Sunday, Oct. 19, 2003

It was a bittersweet trip for Ifeta.

As she packed her bags Sunday night, she acknowledged the heartache she had endured over the past 18 days.

“The best moment in Bosnia? I don’t think I had one this time,” she said. “I had only a hard time. I’m happy to see my family here, but I wasn’t happy in Bosnia.”

From her cozy apartment in Utica, Ifeta could not have guessed what the trip held for her. When she stuffed her bags full of gifts for family in Bosnia, she did not know that by the time those bags were empty, the remains she believes belonged to her family members would be found.

When she boarded the airplane in New York City two and a half weeks ago, the possibility of discovering how her family had died and who was responsible was not even an option. Now, she is closer than ever before to finding the truth.

On her first day in Bosnia, she said that she would never return; this trip was her first and her last, she said. Now, she has a reason to come back.

“I need to come back to Bosnia, because I need to put my family in the cemetery,” Ifeta said.

But now the waiting begins. She gave blood samples so that bone marrow from the remains she found can be tested to see if there is a match. She has been told that her case will be pushed through, but she has no way of knowing how long it will take.

Until then, a return to Utica is enough to make her smile.

“I will see my daughter Dina again,” she said. “Tomorrow!”

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003

With just three days left in Bosnia, Ifeta (Iki) has business to take care of.

“Over here, the dentist is so cheap,” she said.

Last night, she began the process of having dentures made through a
Bosnian dentist near Sarajevo. She needs a new set, and having them made here will give her another reminder of her homeland.

“I’m getting them made for memories of Bosnia,” she said.

The set should be complete on Saturday. She is not worried about getting used to the new teeth so close to returning to the United States. She is confident of the work of the Bosnian dentist.

“I have my old ones, too, so if I can’t take it, I’ll put these in the
garbage,” she said. “But this dentist is good, so it won’t be a problem.”

Ifeta spent some time shopping in Sarajevo for herself and her daughter, Dina, who is more than ready for her mother to return home.

“Dina said on the phone that she won’t go to school on Tuesday,” Ifeta said. “She wants to stay home with us. I said, 'okay.' She was crying, but I said, in three days, everything will be all right.”

Monday, Oct. 13, 2003

Ifeta (Iki) traveled to Travnik to visit the family of Melisa Bektic, her sister-in-law, who lives in Utica. Melisa's mother died recently after a long illness, and although Ifeta had never met Melisa's family, she decided to send her condolences in the form of a visit.

The family feels cheated, she said, because one cousin had planned to visit Utica to give blood to help save the woman, but he didn't get his visa from the U.S. Embassy in time.

"They're mad, because now she's dead," Ifeta said. "The people from the embassy didn't give him a chance."

Ifeta feels overwhelmed by the sadness in Bosnia.

"Next Monday is coming, thanks God," she said. "I want to go back to my home and see my daughter, Dina. My daughter said, 'Mommy, I'm waiting, but I can't wait many more days.'"

Ifeta is still waiting to hear back about whether there has been a DNA match on the remains she identified in Gorazde next week. If she doesn't receive a conclusive answer before she leaves, she said she will return to Bosnia.

"But after that, believe me, I'll never come back again," she said.

Saturday, Oct. 11, 2003

Ifeta's velvety black heels were covered with dust, but she continued on the rocky mountain path to the shrine in Medjugorje Friday afternoon. The many Catholic friends she has made while living in Utica urged her to visit the site.

She carefully selected stones from the area around where the Virgin Mother is believed to have appeared to Bosnian teen-agers in the early 1980s to bring back to those friends.

"Whether this is true or not, it's a nice place," she said. The drive from Sarajevo to this town in southern Bosnia -- an area known to natives as Herzegovina -- impressed Ifeta.

"I can't believe this country is free instead of how it was during the war," she said. "They're not scared that when they go somewhere, someone might kill them. They are free."

Thursday, Oct. 9, 2003

Ifeta (Iki) held up a pair of Birkenstock-style clogs.

"I got two pairs of these," she said. "One for me, and one for someone
else."

A moment later she reappeared with two silver trays.

"One for me, again," she said, laughing.

After a few stressful days, Ifeta spent the morning shopping in Sarajevo with her brother-in-law, Zahid Bektic, who had driven from Sweden to visit her and Amela.

"Oh, we had fun, guys," she said.

Many relatives have called with words of encouragement for Ifeta since the day she visited the morgue in Gorazde, where she believes she saw the remains of her mother, father and brother.

"My aunt said, honey, you have a big heart. It's strong," Ifeta said. "I think I have a strong heart."

Wednesday, Oct. 8, 2003

I've been staying home today, because it's so cold! And I'm surprised that snow is coming. It's so early. I think since we are coming, snow is coming, too. And I'm surprised, because it never early comes.

So cold, stay home, and my brother-in-law is coming from Sweden today. Oh, it's a big surprise. We thought he might come, but weren't sure.

I had lunch at another cousin's house. We had lots of stuff. I had potatoes, chicken, veal, salad. Cake for dessert. It's nice. We talked about lots of stuff.

There was a little bit crying but it's okay now. I called the man at the Federal Commission (about the body identification). He said he would move things through. It could take two months, it could take six months. He doesn't know. No one knows.

Monday, Oct. 6, 2003

(as interviewed by Krista J. Karch)

Ifeta (Iki) charged across the busy street, leaving the rest of her group behind to wait for the proper signal. She looked back and laughed.

"I never wait," she said. "Before in Sarajevo, I never looked at the green or red."

Walking to work one day before the war, she was ticketed for jaywalking.

"I told him he can't give me that because I'm walking to work," she said, laughing at her own audacity.

But he gave her the ticket, anyway. When she got to work, she passed the ticket along to her boss.

"I told him that he needs to pay it, because it's his fault I'm walking to work," Ifeta said.

Traffic was so bad then that she, like many city dwellers, opted to walk everywhere they went instead of hassling with an auto.

Nothing was worse than during the Olympic Games in 1984, she said, when countries from all over the world sent their best athletes to Sarajevo.

"You couldn't drive because the traffic was so slow," she said. "You could only walk."

She said she would get lost easily if she ventured out in Sarajevo today.

"I know if I go by myself I get lost, because I'm always, blah, blah, blah, blah," she told her group, then issued a warning. "I know it's hard. But I'm serious, guys. Don't go alone."

Despite potential dangers, walking is one of Ifeta's favorite memories of life in Sarajevo

"When we go back to Utica, we need to start walking around, and get everyone outside to walk," she said. "Like here, everyone is walking around, smiling, talking. There was a war and people have no bread, but still they're happy."

Sunday, Oct. 5, 2003

(as interviewed by Krista J. Karch)

While daughter Amela cheered for Sarajevo at the soccer game, Ifeta (Iki) enjoyed a dinner of meat at home with relatives.

"Bosnians love meat," she said.

The party was relaxed, she said, and the family had the chance to express to her how happy they are that she has returned for a visit after 11 years.

"I had fun tonight," she said. "The party was very nice."

After the relatives left, she listened for news of the soccer game between Sarajevo's soccer team and its chief rival.

"I can't believe Sarajevo is losing," she said.

"Amela is losing," she added, a note of concern giving way to a smile. The game would end in a tie.

Ifeta is preparing to head east Monday morning, as the O-D Bosnia trip team visits several towns she lived in as a child.

Saturday, Oct. 4, 2003

This war has really done lots to my family. I want to find something good. These two days, I have only found bad. I can't tell you how hard it is.

Amela's mind is not like mine. She's young. But for me, it's really hard.

I feel now that Utica is my family, my city. I'm feeling this for people in Utica; this is my place. I felt that before, but not like today.

If (former President Clinton) hadn't come, everybody would have died. Yes, maybe he made a mistake that he didn't come earlier, but maybe he couldn't. But if he didn't stop Serbia, who knows what would have happened? And he opened the United States to Bosnia. Now they have a life there.

Friday, Oct. 3, 2003

I'm happy. When I can see after 11 years my family, I'm happy. People are living now because the war has stopped, but there is no work; no nothing.

For now, they're doing okay. I have three people in my family that are invalids (two have lost legs, the third has a bad leg, because of grenades).

They're doing what they have to do. It's a heavy life, but they're doing it.